“Will our guest want to talk about hard stuff, like when his wife died?” Isaac asks. ”He wants to tell you his story,” I assure the children. “He wants you to hear how he was helped by the Caring Committee.”
This group of fourth graders at Temple Shir Tikvah’s religious school in Winchester, MA are preparing to interview congregants who have received support from the synagogue’s Caring Committee at times of loss. As described in my previous post, I told them a story to introduce the themes of compassion and g’milut chasadim, acts of lovingkindness. Now I will demonstrate interviewing and listening techniques, and, at the same time, introduce new content.
Interviewing in order to elicit personal stories is one of the techniques I use in Story-Based Learning. There are many benefits. Young learners can organize their thinking on a subject they would like to know about. They can follow their curiosity and formulate questions in an inviting, open-ended format. Interviewing is a dynamic way to draw learners into an inquiry. It gives them compelling, real life examples of how an issue affects people in their own community.
“Today you can observe how I interview Marlene,” I say. “She knows how to support people when someone close to them has died.”
The students look up with curiosity as Marlene Kenney takes a seat in front of the clustered tables and chairs. Marlene has a centered, reassuring presence. She works professionally as a grief counselor, and was involved in the Caring Corps when her daughter, Zoe, was a fourth grader here last year.
I’ve invited her back to help me explain the Jewish practice of supporting mourners by visiting their homes while they sit shiva. This custom can include bringing food, listening to memories, and participating in a service where the Mourners’ Kaddish, or prayer, is recited.
“Watch me closely,” I suggest to the children. “Notice what I do well, and what I do not do so well.”
And then I proceed to let them learn from my “mistakes.” I greet my interviewee, while looking down at my papers. I mumble my first question and then look away, seemingly uninterested.
After Marlene haltingly responds, I stop to ask the kids, “What did you notice?”
“You should look at her when she’s talking,” they all admonish me.
“Marlene, how did it feel when I did not look at you as you spoke?”
“It was kind of embarrassing,” she says. “I wasn’t sure if I should talk or not.”
I then switch into serious mode, giving my full attention to Marlene, to ask my next question. “Can you explain how to act when you visit someone who is in mourning?”
“Sometimes you don’t really have to say a whole lot. Just being there, showing up, and listening is the best thing,” Marlene tells us. And then she describes the time she and her daughter responded to a Caring Committee request, and volunteered to set up food at a shiva gathering.
I model some follow up questions: “What was like to be there? What did you do?”
“It seemed like a simple thing,” she says, “to set up the table with drinks and snacks. Zoe arranged the napkins and cups. We didn’t know the family, but they were so grateful for our help.”
Temple Shir Tikvah’s Learning Corps model strives to link the silos of school and congregation by pairing religious school grades with synagogue committees. Eliciting personal stories through interviewing affords everyone involved an opportunity for genuine, face-to-face connection. It builds a sense of community.
Congregations are rich in the resource of people with all kinds of experiences, professional and personal. Tapping adults to be interviewed by children allows intergenerational connections to be forged between individuals who might not otherwise meet. People who are asked to serve in this way invariably feel honored, valued and seen. It is rewarding to be listened to.
I pause to ask the kids, “How can you tell I’ve been listening to Marlene?” They are quick to point out: “You were nodding,” “You turned and faced her.” I also point out how I phrased my questions in an open-ended way – for example: “What was it like?” rather than “Was it hard?”
For young learners, the practice of being present as a listener – eye contact, facial expression and body posture to show that you’re listening, and asking follow up questions – builds valuable communication skills. Hearing people’s personal experiences and different points of view strengthens emotional intelligence and develops empathy.
I check back with the kids as the interview wraps up. “OK, so what else did you notice about how I did the interview?”
“You were fiddling with your shoe lace,” says Sophie. “You were fumbling with your clipboard,” Ben points out.
Oh. They had observed me so closely that they told me I was doing things I wasn’t even aware of. I have to laugh; I set myself up to be critiqued. I commend them on their acute observational skills.
Fortunately, they also remark on what I had done well. The following Sunday, the fourth graders are model interviewers – and listeners.
copyright 2016 Cindy Marshall
Cindy Rivka Marshall has worked as a consultant since 2011 with Bailee Star, Education Director at Temple Shir Tikvah in Winchester, Massachusetts. Her expertise in Story-Based Learning has informed the design of an innovative model for Jewish learning called the Learning Corps. Religious school classes are paired with synagogue committees, a concept originated with former Education Director Joan Forman. Temple Shir Tikvah receives funding from Combined Jewish Philanthropies in Boston to support the development and growth of this program.
See also: Learning to Care (Part 1)
This post highlights the Story-Based Learning technique of Eliciting Stories with Interviews.